Well, I'm almost not-pregnant anymore,

And I have completely neglected to blog the journey with this second sweet child o' mine inside me. Whoops!

Ok, here's a quick (it's actually not quick at all) update:
I left off with considering a natural birth. I tooooooootally changed my mind on that... I'm DEFINITELY having a natural birth this time! I got me an old hippie lady midwife practice (one girl is actually a young hippie lady, and she's very good looking which makes me feel insecure about my giant body being exposed, but at least she has a unibrow. Bitch better not wax before I deliver). I'm delivering at a hospital with BIRTHING tubs. Tubs! To give birth in! I'm pretty excited about this concept... EXCEPT that at some point the ratio of water to birth matter is going to turn to "birth stew". MUST remember not to put my face under at any point. I've been reading a bazillion natural childbirth books. They all call my girl parts my "yuni", so they must know what they're talking about.
The baby is a GIRL. I admit, I was slightly disappointed at first, because I had my heart set on a Harvey. Then I was all "Oh snap, it's not a Harvey, I'll just have to have another one!". Then I started hurting and I was all "Eff babies. No more." And now I'm still in pain, but for some reason I wouldn't kill myself if I ever found out I was pregnant again.
Second pregnancy hurts! A lot! I can't elaborate on that too much. It hurts. A lot. A WHOLE lot?
These hormones are makin me a-crazy. Today I NEEDED deep dish pizza. Thanks a lot Travel channel! So I found an Uno Chicago Grill about 45 minutes away, figured it'd be the closest thing I'd find to "authentic" Chicago style pizza, but that it probably wouldn't actually be that authentic, so I'd settle for semi-deep dish at a restaurant in Baltimore that was muchmuch closer. So we're driving there and I'm kicking myself thinking I'm a total idiot for driving 895 and not just going all the way to Columbia where the real deep dish is, instead of the semi-deep dish. And I start whining and finally Joe is like "Just go. Go to Uno." and traffic wasn't bad so I did it. The second we get back onto the highway I got so pissed at myself for making this huge trek for some pizza that probably won't even be that good and will probably be expensive, and then I'm getting pissed at Joe for allowing me to do this, but I don't want to say any of this out loud, so I start to tear up and just mumble "This is stupid. I'm stupid, this is stupid. Stupid" until Violet yells out "MO CWACKER!" and I went totally ADD and forgot about being stupid. It's rough being pregnant.


And now, I am once again "overdue". Some would argue that there's no such thing as "overdue" until after 42 weeks. Those somes probably have never been 10 months pregnant. Or they eat alfalfa sprouts as a regular food in their diet. Anyhow, I am over-fucking-due. I've stopped answering my phone and texts when I see certain people's names, because I know exactly what they'll say.
Here is a translation:
"How are you feeling?" - 'Is your uterus currently contracting? How far is your cervix dilated? What else is going on down in your vagina?'
"How's my baby doing?" - This is a statement that only a true asshole can make. YOUR baby? Do you mean to ask if MY baby is still moving around and feeling alive inside me?
"I finished [some task]/have no plans for the week. *sigh*" - This is to imply that I have control as to when I go into labor, and that I should do so when it is convenient for my family.
"I have plans this day/can't get off work until this time." - Also to imply that if I go into labor at an inconvenient time (which I shouldn't do since I can control it), then I should cross my legs reallyreally hard and hold in that baby until after so-and-so is done!
"Call me if you need anything." - 'Call me if you're in labor. And ONLY if you're in labor. Because if you call, the very first thing I will ask you is if you're in labor, and if you say no, I'm going to cut our conversation short. But I love you dearly, so don't forget to call me when you're in labor so I can beat the other grandmother to the hospital and be the first one to hold MY baby. Seriously, don't forgot to call me... I'm afraid you're not going to call me, what with me annoying the hell out of you with my harassing phone calls and texts and whatnot."

So that's where I am. In pain, on Day 9,032 of pregnancy, with no sign of anything happening any time soon, and fed up with everything.